Ardent Atheist – September 11, 2013

James Tripp, Matt Kirshen and Dylan Brody join hosts Emery Emery and Heather Henderson on Ardent Atheist.

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The Hierophant


"Breaking Taboo" – December 24, 2012

I was a guest on the holiday edition of “Breaking Taboo” with Suzanne Monk and host Lakota Phillips. We pre-recorded it on December 23:

“Deconstructing Christmas, the end of talking about Mayans and a plug for The Hierophant

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Trippitorial – The Debates II

The debates are over and it’s about time. If this is the price for living in a democracy, I’m glad I don’t live in one.

The last debate was the debate of the smiley face versus the serious face. Obama had a different face for each debate. Romney just had the one—smiley face. In the first debate, Obama didn’t bring a face. He wasn’t there. In the second debate he brought a smiley face like Romney, but it didn’t fit him. In the last debate he brought his serious face, which sometimes bordered on annoyed. At one point during the last debate, I thought Obama was going to turn to Romney and say, “Mitt, you ignorant slut.”

In the second debate, Romney said he had a five point plan. He never named any of the points in his plan. That’s a good plan. In the third debate Mitt Romney said he had a plan for the future, which he will tell us about in the future.

Romney said pay equity for women was an important topic, but not to him. The first question in the foreign policy debate asked the candidates what they would do if there was a threat from abroad. This sounds like a question for the GOP! “You do what you’d do to any dame who gets out of line. You take away their charge card! And their reproductive rights.”

Romney has a bold plan for day 1 of his presidency: “on day 1, I will name it day 2!” his five point plan has six points. I would prefer 9-9-9.

Romney’s talking point on Benghazi was wrong, but he kept going.

“Go on.” That was the smiling Obama.

Romney wasn’t backing down from his debate prep. “That’s not how we rehearsed it! I just want to make sure you repeat what you said because that’s not what your understudy said in rehearsal.”

“Go on.”

If Mitt Romney gets elected president, he’ll send a Mormon mission to Iran. That’ll get them to disarm, or to zero in on a new target.

Romney’s plan for Syria? It’s worth more broken up.

Romney wants to be the education president, as long as the kids aren’t educated about him. “When I was Governor, our 4th graders came out number C.”

When Mitt Romney talked about Israel, he started rhyming: “If Israel is under attack, Mitt Romney has got your back. Word to your mother. And would it kill you to call?”

Mitt Romney said he was a son of a…you’re darn right he is. At one point he referred to the audience as “folks” because he’s “folksy.” Mitt said he wanted to be America’s leader, but he needed the support of American voters and the support of magic underwear.

Trippitorial – The Debates

If I learned anything from the vice presidential debates, it’s that clearly, Joe Biden likes a good laugh. Laughter is the best medicine, although that’s not what the Doctor wrote on my prescription. I wonder if my stand-up act could get as many laughs from the Vice President as Paul Ryan’s answers. If Joe Biden was in the audience, I’d book Paul Ryan to headline a night of comedy.

I expected them to be standing at podiums like the presidential debate. Instead, it looked like Charlie Rose, although this Charlie had long, blond hair. Joe Biden acted like a schoolmaster and Paul Ryan was Peck’s bad boy. I was expecting the vice president to give him the switch. “Stop lying, boy!”

Biden was the big dog, Ryan was the puppy. Biden schooled the boy. Paul Ryan got his ass kicked. He needs to go back to the gym. What distinguished Paul Ryan was how much water he drank. He must have been getting a work out. “I have to stay hydrated.” He probably needed to pee half way through the debate. No wonder he didn’t do better.

If that debate were a prison, Paul Ryan would have been Joe Biden’s bitch. It was like shooting a dead horse. I think I heard Karl Rove’s head explode during the debate, which may be a good thing.

Joe Biden’s face stole Ronald Reagan’s line, “There you go again!” He also alluded to another vice presidential debate when he said, “Now you’re Jack Kennedy.” That joke always works.

When asked what he could give to this country that no one else could, Paul Ryan said, “Honesty.” He is a pretty honest guy except for that answer. He didn’t even believe it himself. He couldn’t finish saying it. When he caught himself saying what he was saying, he tried to stop himself from saying it, but it was too late, because he had already said it, so he just started talking about something else. That’s why Joe Biden was laughing.

Maybe Paul Ryan would be a good student government vice president. I’m not so sure about Vice President of the United States, or on second thought, student government vice president.

Paul Ryan’s smile was even more uncomfortable than Mitt Romney’s. Romney had a smile on his face the whole debate that made me wonder about the material from which his magic underwear was made. “Boxers or magic underwear?” Whatever magic underwear he was wearing for the first debate, he should keep wearing them. Not only are they magic, they’re lucky too.

Romney finally figured out how to win a debate. Defund the moderator. PBS is too big bird to fail.

The first debate was on domestic issues. Romney prepared by making sure all his household servants had their green cards. Domestic issues. Hmmm…

I would have liked to see a debate between candidate Mitt Romney for president vs. candidate Mitt Romney for Governor. I wonder who would win. Candidate Mitt Romney for Governor showed up at the first debate. Obama wasn’t expecting that. He was prepared for that other Romney. But Romney thought, “This would be a good time to shake my Etch A Sketch.

“My campaign office will gladly issue a retraction Tuesday for my statement today.” Romney will say whatever you want him to say. His campaign can always disavow it later.

Mitt Romney’s biggest concern in the debate was that corporations won’t buy corporate jets if the corporate jet buying tax break is eliminated. I know I won’t.

Everybody was expecting zingers from Mitt Romney. In preparation for the debate, I drank Red Zingers. That was gonna be my drinking game. I was gonna drink every time Mitt Romney scored with a zinger. It’s a good thing I was already drunk. Mitt Romney needs to take my comedy class.

It was a boring debate. It could have used a streaker…As long as it wasn’t Chris Christie.

I live tweeted the debates this year. Who is reading debate tweets when everyone is tweeting? Nobody. Nobody’s reading anybody else’s tweets. It’s not social networking. It’s social masturbating.

During the debate Romney said he knew what to do with government land; sell it to corporations. There are no small businesses, only small business owners.

The next debate will be in the form of a town meeting. That’s my kind of town.

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"Independent Thinking" with Steve Gelder

Here’s today’s podcast:

 Episode 208: A Tripp Through The Headlines

Steve welcomes comedian, former journalist and author James Tripp to the show. They talk about James’ new book, “The Hierophant“, how the media is failing to do their job when it comes to reporting on the candidates, the role of religion in society, how the Internet will eventually be taken over by corporate interests, and summering in Martha’s Vineyard with Gary Hart.

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The Hierophant