Panelists discuss the Colorado shooting, new DNA evidence about some of our ancestors, the Russians in Cuba and more.
Trippitorial – Guns Are People
There’s been a lot of bad talk about guns in the news lately and I think it should stop. If the corporations that manufacture guns are people, aren’t guns people too? Do they not have feelings of their own? If you cock them, do not people bleed? If you hold one, do they not feel like a prick? Everybody on the news is talking about how they feel, but nobody’s asking the guns how they feel. If you tickle them, do they not misfire? I’ll tell you how they feel: Cheap. Used. Misunderstood.
If it was up to them, they’d be shooting themselves up in the air everyday in celebration. Sure, sometimes the bullets that go up come down into somebody’s head, but that’s not the gun’s fault. That’s gravity. What are you gonna do? Shoot Newton? And how are you gonna do that without a gun? That’s what I thought.
Guns are some of the most misunderstood weapons of mass destruction. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a bar and heard some guy say, my gun, she just doesn’t understand me.” Well, you know what? That works both ways, pal.
It’s like the N.R.A. says, “guns don’t kill people, we do.” guns aren’t the problem. It’s people who don’t have guns who are the problem. We’ve got to put a gun in the hand of every man, woman and child in America.
Why, some of my best friends are guns. I know a girl who married a gun. She has ten kids. The gun is always going off.
Guns aren’t the problem. It’s people who are the problem. That’s why we need guns—to get rid of the problem.
Of course, if guns are people, and people kill people, maybe guns do kill people.