Trippitorial – "Tax Returns"

Many people have demanded that I release my tax returns and college transcripts. What one has to do with the other I do not know, but I make this pledge to you today: I will form a committee to investigate what, if any, the connection is between the two.

Secondly, I’d like the first thing that people consider is why haven’t you shown me your tax returns and college transcripts? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. Yea, that’s what I thought…Nice taxes. And remember, just because it’s the second thing I said, that doesn’t mean it’s not the first thing I’d like people to consider.

C. Everything you need to know, you already know, and you’re better off not telling anybody you know it. People who know don’t tell and people who don’t know, don’t know what to tell. I certainly don’t.

People have got to know whether or not their candidate is a crook. Well, I am not a crook. I will release my taxes. I will release them in the oceans. I will release them in the air. I will release them wherever the flag flies free.

There will be a time to talk about such things, but let’s not talk about such things at this time. For, you see, I’ve filed an extension on my 2011 taxes and they aren’t quite finished yet. But as soon as they are completed by a crack team of accountants…by a team of accountants on crack…by one accountant…I will release my taxes to you, the citizens of this great land of ours.

I am not afraid of a discussion about taxes. I am not afraid of a discussion about anything. I am afraid we’ve run out of time.

God bless the I.R.S. and God bless America!
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