Trippitorial – "Royalty"

As people were celebrating the sixtieth anniversary jubilee of the queen of England, you might have been wondering, “Why does England still have a Queen?”—especially since Freddy Mercury died. And why are peasants so mesmerized by their oppressors? Because they’re stupid peasants, but that’s not really the point I’m trying to make. Stupid peasant Royalists.

And who paid for that party? The taxpayers? “Yea! We’ve been oppressed for sixty years!” Listen, you don’t have to put these assholes up against a wall, but get them off the public dole. You can tell kings and queens are assholes, because they wear crowns. I don’t even own a hat.

Saudi Arabia has a king, Jordan has a king. Monaco is still fucked up. Royalty is what happens when cousins marry. That’s how the royal line stays pure. “God save our incestry…”

You know why royalty has existed for so long? Because there were no super Pac’s until now. Now that there are super Pac’s, I will be able to defeat any monarch in their own kingdom. The only question I have to answer is, “Which kingdom do I want?” Actually, there is a second question: does anyone have Sheldon Adelson’s phone number?

It’s time to put an end to monarchies, or to make me your King, although I prefer the title, “Emperor.” I’m James Tripp and I’ll be back next week with another Trippitorial.

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