Panelists discuss, the jobs report, John Edwards acquittal, cannibals and spies.
Trippitorial – Commencement Day
This is the time of year when students are graduating and speeches are commencing. And so to graduates of the 2012 Trippitorials, I would like to say this:
Dean, President, Chancellor , faculty, members of the Board of Trustees, beloved parents,grandparents, great grandparents, not so great parents, graduates, friends of the class of 2012, Senators, Congressmen, distinguished alumni:
As I look out at all your faces here today, I can’t see any of them because I’m in a radio station in North Hollywood. But that doesn’t mean I don’t see the hope in those feces…faces. And to that I say, stop hoping. If you don’t have a job now, you’re probably not going to get one, so why bother.
Statistically, nobody would be surprised if you moved back into your parent’s basement and kept eating their food. So I say, do it. When are you gonna have another chance like this? Your first divorce?
Today’s job market is abysmal. My advice to you is to borrow money from Mitt Romney’s parents and stay in school. Rack up another degree and another battery of student loans. You’re not gonna be able to get a job, so you might as well keep learning. And maybe the bank will learn a lesson when you can’t pay back any of their usurious loans.
In closing, I want you question everything you’ve been told in school. But do not question me. It is quite possible you have been lied to, indoctrinated, usurped, taught, tamed, torn, trained, tricked, broken, educated and diverted from your true nature. What if your teachers were wrong? What if they were, in fact, insane?
Congratulations, Class of 2012. Your parents are proud of you. They’re glad to finally get rid of you. Hopefully.