"Comedy Nation This Week" – May 25, 2012

Here’s today’s podcast with panelists Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett, James Tripp and host Bill Bronner:

Panelists discuss Net Neutrality, the Facebook IPO, the Space X launch, the latest Trippitorial and more.

Trippitorial – Space
This week, corporate America launched itself into space, and that’s a good place for it. Besides Earth, most of the rest of the Milky Way is unincorporated, which means, according to the United States Supreme Court, no persons live there.

I remember when NASA sent a probe to look for intelligent life on Mars. First, they should look for some here. Of course, instead of a probe, they’d probably use a drone. Maybe there’s some intelligent life in Yemen. Drones are better than probes because if you find an intelligent life form, you can blow it up, especially if it’s more intelligent than you.

Every year, NASA spends billions of dollars trying to contact alien life forms to let them know we’re here. Maybe I don’t want alien life forms to know that I’m here! You didn’t see Native Americans sending up smoke signals to the Europeans: ‘come get us!’

We can’t let the aliens do to us what we’ve done to indigenous populations, even though we were just kidding. Besides I, for one, don’t want to be running a casino in two hundred years. Maybe in thirty years…

Anyway, if man were meant to go into outer space, he wouldn’t burn up during re-entry. Oh, you can go up there, you can go right ahead. Just don’t come back.

That probe they sent to Mars indicated that there may have been life on that planet. I have enough trouble with the life on this planet. The probe found microscopic bacteria in a Martian rock. No wonder Martians are an extinct race. Who’d have sex with bacteria? Other bacteria, but that’s not the point. The point is, if your species is gonna be around in a billion years, you have to be something somebody wants to have sex with. Maybe that’s not the point either.

I knew a girl once who said she’d had sex with aliens. She wouldn’t have sex with me, but she had sex with aliens.

That’s definitely not the point. The point is it’s about time someone privatized space! It was getting too expansive.

I claim the second asteroid on the right for Queen Isabella of Spain!

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