"Comedy Nation This Week" – April 27, 2012

Here’s today’s podcast with panelists Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett, James Tripp and host Bill Bronner:

Panelists discuss the U.S. Presidential race, asteroid mining, the TSA, Egypt and more.
Trippitorial – Zoos

When I was a kid, I went to see an African lion in its natural habitat—the Bronx Zoo. I remember thinking that the Bronx was a weird place to find an African lion, but hey, we all came from Africa, right? What was I doing in the Bronx?
All those animals in all those cages—I wondered what they did to wind up behind bars. Did the monkeys in the monkey house fail to pay their taxes on all those bananas? Were the snakes in the snake house paying for some sin of their fathers? Were the elephants in some kind of an ivory smuggling ring? They must have done something.
Last week scientists found a rare white killer whale off the coast of Russia. My question of course was, “But what can he do with a beach ball?”
I feel bad for animals. They get captured and put in a cage without ever being charged. Try to imagine if somebody did that to you and shipped you off to some distant cage—say in Cuba. You wouldn’t like that would you? Wild animals deserve habeas corpus, even if people don’t. Bad people!
Zoos do a lousy job rehabilitating animals…if that’s even what they’re trying to do. Most of them are no more domesticated by the time they’ve served out their sentence, than when they began, but that doesn’t really matter because they’re never getting out anyway. Bogus zoo parole board!
Still, you’re not gonna get rid of zoos. Zoos are an entrenched interest. If they released all the animals, what would happen to the Zookeepers? They’d be out of jobs. Maybe they could join the prison guard’s union and start guarding human animals. Of course, they’re not as cute.
Even if the animals were liberated, most of them probably wouldn’t be able to adjust to jungle society and they’d just end up right back in a cage anyway.
 Zoos are obsolete. We don’t have to put animals in cages to see them. Most people have cable.

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