Panelists discuss the U.S. Presidential race, asteroid mining, the TSA, Egypt and more.
Trippitorial – Zoos
When I was a kid, I went to see an African lion in its natural habitat—the Bronx Zoo. I remember thinking that the Bronx was a weird place to find an African lion, but hey, we all came from Africa, right? What was I doing in the Bronx?
All those animals in all those cages—I wondered what they did to wind up behind bars. Did the monkeys in the monkey house fail to pay their taxes on all those bananas? Were the snakes in the snake house paying for some sin of their fathers? Were the elephants in some kind of an ivory smuggling ring? They must have done something.
Last week scientists found a rare white killer whale off the coast of Russia. My question of course was, “But what can he do with a beach ball?”
I feel bad for animals. They get captured and put in a cage without ever being charged. Try to imagine if somebody did that to you and shipped you off to some distant cage—say in Cuba. You wouldn’t like that would you? Wild animals deserve habeas corpus, even if people don’t. Bad people!
Zoos do a lousy job rehabilitating animals…if that’s even what they’re trying to do. Most of them are no more domesticated by the time they’ve served out their sentence, than when they began, but that doesn’t really matter because they’re never getting out anyway. Bogus zoo parole board!
Still, you’re not gonna get rid of zoos. Zoos are an entrenched interest. If they released all the animals, what would happen to the Zookeepers? They’d be out of jobs. Maybe they could join the prison guard’s union and start guarding human animals. Of course, they’re not as cute.
Even if the animals were liberated, most of them probably wouldn’t be able to adjust to jungle society and they’d just end up right back in a cage anyway.
Zoos are obsolete. We don’t have to put animals in cages to see them. Most people have cable.
Panelists discuss the War On Women, Citibank, Argentina’s natinalization of YPF and more,
Trippitorial – Words
I don’t trust words or the people who use them. Nobodyever lied to me before I could speak. I should never have listened.
When you’re a baby, you can get a lot more by crying thanby using complete sentences. Of course, it’s a simpler world with simplerwants. You either want to eat or evacuate what you’ve eaten. And only the firstpart requires any real effort. But once you learn how to speak, instead ofpeople just giving you things, people start wanting things from you.
Once you learn a language, it’s hard to feign ignorance,unless you’re in Congress. The only reason my parents taught me to speak was sothey could say, “eat your broccoli!” And I’d know what they mean. Before I hada facility with words, a perfectly acceptable answer was “Ba ba ba.” But assoon as you use words like, “I don’t like broccoli,” it sets up a confrontation,especially if you say it like that. I blame words.
Before I could speak, a simple facial expression couldcommunicate, “do I look like I like broccoli?” Of course, the same expressioncould indicate a buildup of gas, which broccoli can exasperate. That’s still noreason to use words. Why do you think that swear words are always the firstwords that kids want to learn in a new language? Because that’s what words doto you. The first thing you want to learn how to say is, “fuck.”
Parents teach you how to speak to try to convince youthat their view of reality is the correct one. People who already speak havestopped listening to them so they’ll talk to you until you stop listening, whichwill probably be sometime soon after you understand what they’re saying.
Once they have you listening, it isn’t long before theyhave you believing in Santa Claus and God and that the United States is ademocracy. Do you really think you’d believe in Santa Claus if they didn’t usewords to lie to you? It’s not like you’d be walking down the street one day andsuddenly think, “Hey, I’ll bet there’s some fat, old guy in a red suit who’sgoing to climb down my chimney in the dead of a cold, dark winter’s night. “MaybeI should call the police.”
Words. Who needs them? Next time you think, don’t usewords. How would you think if you didn’t use words? How would you communicate?Maybe we’d develop telepathic powers if people would just shut up. Nobody wouldhave to talk. Everybody would know what everyone else was thinking— not much.
I’m James Tripp and I’llbe back next week with another Trippitorial